


Mumbo-Jumbo

by vanillafluffy



Category: Supernatural, Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Exorcisms, Gen, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, yeah no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 07:51:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19662991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillafluffy/pseuds/vanillafluffy
Summary: What happens when Eddie comes home to find two guys who look like down-on-their-luck used car salesmen waiting in his apartment and they start chanting at him in Latin.





	Mumbo-Jumbo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cozy_coffee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cozy_coffee/gifts).



> For the prompt: "Supernatural/venom, anything". I haven't been into SPN in _years_ , but I remember the basics....

Eddie isn’t sure how the two guys got into his apartment, but they’re there when he gets back from Mrs. Chen’s with a gallon of milk, a box of chocolate-covered donuts and a copy of the free paper. “What the hell?”

_They’re in our space, Eddie. Why are they in our space? Are they bad people?_ Venom always sounds hopeful at the prospect of bad people, since they add variety to his diet.

There’s always the chance that they’re from maintenance or some shit like that, so Eddie cautions the symbiote to hold up for a moment. The last thing he wants is to be responsible for devouring a couple unfortunate plumbers/exterminators/electricians/whatever.

“Hey, how’s it going?” the shorter of the two asks. “I’m Mr. Hetfield. This is my associate Mr. Ulrich. Don’t worry, we’ll make this as quick and painless as possible….”

That does not sound good.

Mr. Ulrich starts chanting. Eddie stares at him, nonplussed. It sounds…Eddie’s family wasn’t religious, but he grew up in a Catholic neighborhood in Jersey, and the mumbo-jumbo Ulrich is spouting sounds like Latin to him. Not that either of these guys look like priests--more like down-on-their-luck used car salesmen--which makes this whole thing really bizarre. From a guy who shares his body with an alien symbiote, that’s saying something.

“Mind telling me what this is all about?” he asks Mr. Hetfield.

“Nothing to worry about. We had a tip that you haven’t been yourself lately--we’re just taking care of that for you.” He glances above Eddie’s head.

Eddie looks up. There’s some kind of weird design drawn in charcoal on the formerly pristine ceiling. 

Venom screams. _They made a mess on our ceiling! Look at that!_

The symbiote has gotten better about asking permission before he hijacks Eddie’s body, but he’s so upset by the vandalism that he takes over and expands to his elongated form. Tentacles begin swiping frantically at the drawing, smearing the charcoal…it’s not quite a Magic Eraser, but it blurs the design to a cloudy grey smudge.

Ulrich has stopping chanting. He looks shocked. “It shouldn’t be able to do that,” he says to his partner. “Have you ever seen a demon even try to touch a seal like that?”

_Stop, stop, stop!_ Eddie begs Venom. _They don’t understand, they made a mistake. Please don’t eat them._

Venom retracts back inside him, and Eddie says, “Was that supposed to be an exorcism? Look, thanks, but that’s not going to work. He’s not a demon. He’s an alien. Like, an outer space alien.” They’re both gaping at him. “Perfectly understandable error, but guys? You just lost me my damage deposit.”

Wide-eyed, they both empty their wallets. “We can always get more,” Urich says to Hetfield, who doesn’t look too happy about it.

The two hastily depart, giving Eddie a wide berth. He counts the restitution they made: $386. That’ll buy a lot of Magic Erasers. He’s pretty sure they can clean it up enough not to lose his deposit.

_They made a mess._ Venom grumbles.

“I know, buddy, but they thought they were helping me out. Don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s have some donuts. You’ll feel better.”

….


End file.
